Don’t lose yourself in anger. It’s gasoline. You can burn it as fuel, or you can use it to torch everything you care about…
I have always been an avid reader, for as long as I can remember my heart has always been happy to curl up in the sunshine with a new book. The only thing that has changed since I have gotten older is the number of pages have grown. In high school, I was blessed to have a librarian that was almost like a second mom to me. She would always recommend books to me and I never hesitated to jump into whatever she suggested. And while I had favorites, there was no book that I read that had a more memorable line to me than the one above written by Karen Marie Moning. Words have always spoken to me and I used to keep a little notebook full of the song lyrics that I loved. It would just be a simple line from a song but something in them spoke to me. That was how this phrase struck me.
I’ve mentioned it before but we are merely human. Anger is a large part of our DNA for the most part, whether we like it or not. Just as easily as we can become sad or excited, we can get angry. But as for all human emotions, it’s not about the emotion itself, it’s about how you deal with it. And Karen was right, if you let anger consume you, you are pumping oxygen into an ember that is eventually going to erupt into a flame. But the thing with this flame is, it will turn into a raging forest fire before you can blink an eye.
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” James 1:19-20
The book of James tells us a lot about how we should behave as God’s children and in the verse above we see that anger does not produce the actions that God desires from his children. Does this mean that you can never be angry again? Not at all. In fact, God knows that we are human, he knows that we are susceptible to sin and human desires. All that he asks of us is that we approach those things with a loving heart full of his word and if we have that, he will guide us through how to handle things like anger.
I think so many times in our lives, we come across a person that just infuriates us. Maybe that person is a family member, maybe it’s an ex-spouse or someone you have dated. Or maybe it’s someone you are forced to see every day because they work at the same place you do. And we get mad at them for different reasons. Sometimes their beliefs are different than ours and maybe they aren’t shy about voicing them. Maybe they go out of their way to make you feel bad about yourself, or make themselves look better than they are. Whatever the reason is, they just make you mad. And often times as humans, we try to suppress that anger, to the point of letting it smolder right below the surface. But all that ends up doing is building up so much anger and pressure that one we day we erupt and explode. At that point, the anger is free flowing and words and accusations come tumbling out before we even realize what we’ve said.
And sometimes, once that eruption happens, something terrible happens. We feel better. And so the next time we get angry, we just let it all go until the next thing we know we are looking into a mirror we just punched because we dropped a cup of coffee on the rug. And sometimes, we hide that anger in our hearts to the point that it drives our other behaviors. It turns us bitter, and distrusting and makes us into a person that we never thought we would become. I’ve been in those shoes, I’ve let my anger become a torch and I woke up every morning full of anger and went to bed every night cuddling with hatred. I was miserable. I heard myself lashing out to the people I loved and I saw myself pushing away everything I cared about. But in that moment, for me the anger was worth it. I wore it like a cloak and let it become a part of my skin. Until one day, I woke up exhausted from it all. I was tired of the turmoil taking place in my heart, and I was tired of fighting. I was just tired. Just as I did with every other time I felt like I had fallen off the track, I dropped to my knees and I prayed for forgiveness. I prayed for God to take away the anger and the resentment, the bitterness and the hatred. I prayed for the people I thought I hated. I prayed for the people who had hurt me. And something amazing happened, it was like God took that cloak and plucked it from my back and all of a sudden, it was daylight outside. There was sunshine and blessings in my life that wouldn’t allow me to hide in my hatred.
That moment is one of the ones that I think my Heavenly Father for the most because it taught me a lot about myself and my relationship with him. It showed me how dark a path without Godly love is and I truly believe that if I had stayed on that path, I would have wound up a very different person from what I am today. But even more so, that moment taught me to trust in God more than I ever had. It taught me not to worry, not to stress and not to get angry because he was in control of everything around me and the ground I stood on and all I needed was him. There was nothing that anyone could do to me to take that away and I started to look at people in a different light. I started to feel sorry for people I once hated, I started to understand that somewhere in that person was a longing that they couldn’t fill and didn’t even realize they needed to. That their lack of love and faith in God was what was driving them to do things that angered me. So I prayed for those people, and I still do today.
I also realized that life is too short to be angry. That holding a grudge may get you the last word, but it will leave you feeling empty and misunderstood. Now, when I have those moments when I would love to be angry or get mad about something, I stop and ask myself, is this really worth ruining my day over? It never is. Unfortunately sometimes I still do, but the recovery time is much shorter.
Does this resonate with your soul? How do you express your anger? Do you let your anger fester and smolder or are you quick to blow off steam?
Every person is different in the way they express their anger. And as humans that is natural. But what the book of James is trying to tell us is that anger can sometimes drive us to do things that God doesn’t approve of.
“But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.” Colossians 3:8
God knows that by giving into our anger, we are opening ourselves us to be vulnerable to things such as rage, malice, slander and bad language. What he calls us to do is handle that anger we experience as a child of God. He doesn’t call us to get revenge, he doesn’t call us to tear someone down with our words. He calls us to turn the other cheek, literally.
I think for me that is the one of the hardest things about being a Christian, is constantly being beat down by those who are not children of God and standing there with a smile on your face and taking it. Sometimes you find yourself on the receiving end of that anger and you just want to fight back. You want to let go and give them a piece of your mind because after all, that’s what they are doing, why can’t you? But as Christians, we are called to turn the other cheek. And God makes that pretty clear in the Bible that it doesn’t matter how terrible the thing they are doing to you is, you are to turn the other cheek. Story after story in the Bible talks about these servants of God who are faced with opposition and anger from those who did not know God or approve of the beliefs that they had. We hear about how they were tortured or beaten, held captive or slain. And yet we find it so hard to just simply walk away from a person that is trying to tear us down.
Don’t get me wrong, I know that there is anger in life that comes from a wound that is so raw that your insides are screaming for you to get liberation. There are people on this Earth that endure so much more pain and hurt from other people that I couldn’t even fathom it. But what we have that the person standing over you holding the stick doesn’t is a Lord and Savior that is ready to step into the ring as soon as you are ready to tag him in.
If you are suffering from anger and rage that stems from something that is too much for you to bear, I encourage you to seek out guidance from someone who has been trained to help you deal with that. I encourage you to find a pastor, or a professional who can walk you through how to heal yourself from years of pain. But if you are someone who just seems to find yourself quick to anger, I invite you to do a little soul searching. What is it that sets you off so quickly? Is it a certain person, or a certain issue? Whatever it may be, get a grasp on it and really try to understand what it is about that thing that makes you so angry. Then I invite you to take that and talk to God about it. Let him know that you recognize that this thing is controlling you, that it is forcing you to let loose a fire that you can’t control. Tell him you are ready to put it out, once and for all. And then I encourage you to listen for that sweet, sweet voice of our Lord and Savior to tell you how to handle it.
I also encourage you to find little ways to deal with your anger. One of my favorites comes from a book that I read long ago, I’ve already shared that quote with you. Another comes from a devotion I did as a college student. A husband was talking about the fights he had with his wife and that one day he just decided to see her for what she truly was, a child of God. He spoke about how viewing her that way made it almost impossible to be angry or say harsh things to her because that person that stood in front of him was someone that God specifically created. Someone that God knew every hair on their head and breathed life into their very chest. That is something I have tried to do ever since and I promise you, it is so easy to let go of anger when you think about things that way. It has allowed me to let go of a lot of bitterness and hate that I didn’t even know was in my heart.
Human beings have a way of hurting one another like nothing else can, and the closer you are to someone, the easier it is to break their heart with your words. So I encourage you, the next time you find yourself in anger, take a moment and see things from God’s perspective. Take a breath and ask yourself, is whatever I’m angry about really worth striking a match that you don’t know if you can put out? Anger is gasoline, how will you chose to use it?